How to Offer Christian Grief Support for Children

Losing a loved one is so hard—especially for a child who may not yet understand what death is or how to navigate feelings of grief. Death is always tragic, and it makes God sad too to watch us suffer. While Christ achieved ultimate victory over death, God still wants to help you and your children deal with the difficult emotions living in a broken world can cause. Christian grief support for children starts with faith; helping kids with grief by allowing space for sadness, explaining what death is, and using grief as a tool for God to work in our hearts.

Here are a few ways you can start helping kids with grief and offer Christian grief support for children.

Helping Kids with Grief Means Allowing Them to be Sad

When grieving, people experience a wide range of emotions. Kids may grieve differently than you, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting. You may think you have to be strong to hold your family together, but don’t think that means you shouldn’t cry or show your sadness. Sometimes, helping kids with grief means showing them examples of healthy ways to grieve. They need to see that it’s okay to cry and be sad. It is only when grieving gives way to despair or loss of control that sadness can become dangerous or lead kids to develop even greater anxiety. When you properly grieve together, you can also comfort one another and begin the process to truly heal.

Christian Grief Support for Children Starts with Comfort

A great way to comfort one another is by looking to God who is the great comforter. In 1 Peter 5:7, God says to cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. When helping kids with grief, remind one another: “God loves and cares for you.” Pray together, telling God how you feel and asking Him to help. You can show it’s okay to be honest with God about feelings as you pray about your emotions. Your willingness to show your own struggle with grief will help kids work through theirs. Grief can be scary, but God is there to help. Offer Christian grief support for children by giving them the time and space they need to feel their emotions and receive comfort in return.

Jesus Experienced Grief Too

It may be encouraging for kids to know Jesus also grieved when He was on earth. When Jesus received terrible news that His cousin, John the Baptist, was executed, the Bible says, “He withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.” He and John had a special bond, and Jesus  wanted time alone to grieve. When helping kids with grief, understand that maybe your child needs some time alone as well. Show you are sensitive to their needs by asking, “Do you want me to stay, or do you want time alone?”

The Bible also tells us Jesus wept as He grieved for His good friend, Lazarus. Even though Jesus knew God’s plan to bring Lazarus back from the dead, He still cried. Crying doesn’t mean you aren’t trusting God. It’s a natural part of being sad, and sadness is an important emotion God gave us to regulate feelings. It’s okay, good even, to weep and work through emotions when a loved one dies. God created emotions, and Jesus—in His perfection—showed deep emotion and grief as a holy outlet. When helping kids with grief and offering Christian grief support for children, help them know it’s okay to cry.

Helping Kids with Grief May Involve Explaining Death

Kids may have questions about death and what happens after people die. Offering Christian grief support to children might mean taking time to listen to their questions and gently give honest, biblical answers. Don’t let them think their questions are causing you more grief, or they may stop asking. Instead, try your best to explain what you can, and then point them to God, who knows all the answers. A great tool to help with this is CEF’s Do You Wonder Why booklet, which you can order from www.cefpress.com. However, you can explain that when God first made the world, it was perfect. It’s only when sin came into the world that it brought death and destruction. Take kids to Romans 5:12 and explain how when the first man and woman sinned, sin spread to all humanity, making death but a result of sin.

It’s important to clarify here that death is a result of the sinful condition of the world, and not a result of the sin of the person who died or anyone else’s sin. For some children experiencing grief, it’s easy to let that grief lead them to guilt, so it’s important when helping kids with grief to help them talk about their feelings of possible shame or confusion, so you can guide them properly.

The Hope of Jesus is the Best Christian Grief Support for Children

After talking about how death points to the great problem of sin in our world, take time when helping kids with grief to share about Jesus’ death and resurrection. While sin shows us why death exists, the resurrection shows us the hope we can look to beyond death. Read 1 Corinthians 15:54-57 with kids and ask what they think it means that, through Jesus, death no longer has its sting. It’s because Jesus gives victory over sin and death! When you believe in Jesus, even though your earthly body dies, the real you goes on to live with God forever, and Heaven is a wonderful place. A place where you receive a new body and a new home, and  where there is no sin or death. Knowing this can be a great comfort when offering Christian grief support to children. It can also be a good opportunity to talk with children who are not yet Christians about what they believe, and invite them to hear the Gospel if they haven’t already.

CEF Has Resources for Helping Kids with Grief

Want an easy tool for helping kids through grief? The kids booklet Do You Wonder Why? from CEF offers Christian grief support for children by diving deep into questions about why bad things happen, while pointing kids to the hope they can find in God. You can purchase the Do You Wonder Why? booklet at www.cefpress.com.

Remember that grief is sneaky and healing is never linear. The grief of missing a loved one can often surprise a person at odd times or long after the initial grief seems to be over, so continue to be sensitive when helping kids with grief. If you notice a difference in the child’s behavior, perhaps ask if something reminded the child of their loved one so they can talk it out. Help them take pleasure in the good memories, while learning to process the bad. If the person was known to you as well, tell the child you are so thankful you can share memories with them, and then spend some time down memory lane telling all the good stories. This frees children up to share themselves, while helping them realize they can have a part in comforting others and offering Christian grief support to children as well. May you lean on Him as you navigate this complex world of joys and heartbreak.